Poor Jaguar S-Type Begging for the Crusher’s Sweet Embrace

In the market for a used Jaguar S-Type? Then do yourself a giant favor and look somewhere else.

While it’s never been the most-loved Jaguar, I’ve always liked the S-Type. I remember seeing them on the road when they were brand-new, and appreciate how the front end invokes the 1960’s Mark 2, and its bank robber cool. For reasons I can’t put my finger on, I always thought a wagon with that fascia would look the business. So it was a little hard to see this Craigslist posting from New York, as this poor car has been less customized than it’s been vandalized.

Unfortunately, it also seems like it’s fallen victim to the well-known cam chain tensioner issue known to afflict Jaguars of this era. Here’s the entire text of the ad:

’01 Customized Jaguar s-Type,V8 automatic, Clean title, invested over $60.000. Runs raf (Need timing chain job). Car has kompresor to regulate high of the car. Has sound system with 16 speakers, Lambo doors, custom interior, custom seats, 22″tires, 91.000 Miles. Asking $7000

From the mismatched front and rear bumpers, to the aggressive pattern of the two-tone paint, to the non-functional hood vents, your eyes are drawn to so many places at once here — and every one of those places is bad.

Of course, there’s also the widebody kit to contend with. It doesn’t doesn’t even cover the front wheels, and at the back, it cuts off abruptly at the rear bumper — even though it extends into the passenger door. Yikes. For good measure, there are also portholes in the fender, and Lamborghini doors, which look far better Lamborghinis than they do on any other kind of car. The amount of money which went into this train wreck is crazy, and now, the prospects for its future look dark indeed.