So this story starts with a recently divorced single mother moving into the empty house for sale next door to mine. I live in a fairly small town about 40 miles south of DFW in the great state of Texas. I’m a millwright by trade and my current work schedule grants me two weeks on and two weeks off rotating between days and nights every six months. Somehow I have managed to become the guy in the neighborhood everyone calls when something brakes. I’ve fixed everything from appliances to zero turn mowers. I’ve done brake jobs and fuel pumps and a/c jobs and quite literally everything in between. Most of the work I do I would consider a form of charity as I rarely get paid and when I do it’s a fraction of what my time is worth.

Long story longer… so Beth moved in next door around the first of the year with her 13 yr old son. She is a really nice lady and very easy on the eyes.

Beth ended up paying cash for a 2015 Jaguar XF 2.0l Turbo with about 95,000 miles on it back in April. She traded in a 2001 Toyota Camry with 400k miles on it and paid $6000 cash all in. Seemed like a fair enough deal to me though it would not have been one I would have ever made. Not my circus not my monkeys… or so I thought.

after driving the car for a couple of months she got a check engine light and asked me to look at it. I politely declined and gave the excuse that I don’t have a code reader that was compatible with her car. She ended up at the local parts dealer who read the code and told her she needed an oil pressure switch. Sold her an oem part for $60 and sent her out the door.

Back to my front door she came part in hand accompanied by a dozen freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Being the sucker that I am for both cookies and pretty women I find myself with her car on ramps in my driveway less than fifteen minutes later. Along with Beth’s 13 yr old son Ryan who is attempting to learn everything he possibly can.

I proceeded to disconnect the battery in the trunk, hand Ryan the key fob to the car, and crawl under the front of the car to replace the sensor. In the ten minutes or so I was under the car Ryan has managed to place the key fob in the trunk and close the lid.

The battery is disconnected and the ONLY key fob is locked away safely in the trunk next to it. After about an hour of attempting every trick I know to open the trunk I resort to a quick google search and the first result is a short video of a gentleman hooking a battery charger to the CJB in the right side floorboard of the front seat. This briefly powering on the car just long enough to press the trunk release button. Simple enough… or so I thought.

Once I had gained access to the trunk and the keys I hooked the battery back and proceeded to start the car.

As you can imagine this is where my problem starts. I attempt to start the car and the gear selector doesn’t pop up out of the console. I have a plethora of faults on the instrument cluster: everything from parking brake not operable, gear box fault, supplemental restraint system fault, and many more. The key fob will only turn the headlights on it will not unlock the doors or lock for that matter. It doesn’t say that the key isn’t recognized on the instrument cluster for what that’s worth though.

I literally spent the next two days scouring the Internet forums and the best I can tell I have managed mess up the central junction box and possibly the kvm (???) the fuse box in the trunk. To remedy this I will need to replace the cjb and kvm. Then reprogram them using jlr sdd.

I proceed to spend the next day and a half calling every shop in the major metropolitan cities in the state that advertised working on Jaguars. The best I was able to come up with was one shop in the Houston area (360 miles from me) that says he can fix the car in two days for $4500. It would cost me another $750 to get car towed there and back. Although I guess in theory is I could cut that in half because the car could be driven back.

$4500 mights as well be $25,000 because neither one of us can afford that. So here I sit with her car in my driveway, bricked. She has currently been driving my truck to work and back but I have to go back to work in a week and then she is going to be in a world of hurt.

Here is what I’m looking for, I need someone who is familiar with JLR SDD that could tell me which version “cracked” version I should by off eBay, which cable, what’s the best used laptop to by and required software. That would also be willing to walk me through the process of re flashing the cjb and kvm using jlr sdd because I know nothing about it. I would be more than happy to compensate that person for their time and expertise. It’s not a problem at all.

Anyone that would be willing to assist me in this endeavor please reach out to me via this forum. I’m in desperate need of making this car whole again.

 

First thing I would do before using SDD would be to have the battery tested and put a load on it ,Rule of thumb with newer cars before working on them make sure the battery is fully charged and drive them for 15 minutes before working on them,not your fault most don't know ,replace the battery if it comes up bad,the modules need to respond to a fully charged battery, then give it a try , now if that doesn't work you are going to need SDD, I can help you there,we have to configure a few things,hopefully not replace anything

 

Drop me a line in a PM

 

I'm new to these cars but I have found they have a conniption when the battery is changed. All kinds of wild goose chase codes.

Put it on a trickle charger for a couple of days. Disconnect, check the voltage across the terminals. Cross your fingers and try to start.

Please post the voltage and results.