I'm going to take a crack at starting a new thread, hoping it gets traction, somewhat like the "What Don't You Like About Your Jag" thread. Here goes.

I hope that others will come and share their quirky/weird stories of completely odd and whacky Jaguar behaviors.

As some of you know, my car was in the shop last week to deal with some suspension issues, chronicled here: https://www.jaguarforums.com/forum/x...ur-take-84065/

While it sat for a week and then was repaired and aligned, they kept the brakes depressed for around 25 minutes during the alignment, and with the sitting combined, the battery was discharged and had to be recharged by a rapid charger they have there at the shop.

When I got back in the car, all was fine. My seat memory settings and radio presets were all preserved, as the battery obviously wasn't fully discharged. However, and here's the weirdness, all four power window switches would no longer perform the "auto up" function. They WOULD perform auto down, but not auto up. On the "global up" by pressing and holding the door lock button down, only the moonroof would close. "Global down" functioned as normal.

Here's where it gets really weird. Today, several days after driving the car around, first both rear windows began performing "auto up" as normal. Then, even weirder, tonight the front passenger window also began "auto up" functionality, then sometime later, the front driver's side followed suit, and now all four windows now are back to normal "auto up" functionality. ONLY IN A JAG!. Anyone who wants to try to venture an explanation for this phenomenon will get brownie points for trying.

 

Here's another good one. The day after I bought my car last September, I drove to the office and went to work. When I came out for lunch, and I'll never forget this moment, I put the key in the ignition and turned it to the start position and NOTHING, no cranking. My stomach sank into the floorboards of course! The car had power, but NO STARTER!

Well, I have some good "car instincts" perhaps. I took the key out of the ignition, waited several seconds, put the key back in the ignition and VOILA, the car cranked right over as if nothing had ever been at issue.

Since then, the same thing has happened perhaps 3 or 4 times, with the same result. ONLY IN A JAG. I've never had another car that exhibits these behaviors.

 

Mind of it's own!
You may have hit on something when you mentioned battery...
Have it load checked at an O'Reillys, auto zone etc. Free. If older than 5 years it might be getting weak. Could cause the ecu to do strange things.
Just an idea.
Happy thanksgiving!

 

I agree. I've also learned that these cars can exhibit funky behavior when the battery starts to weaken, often expressed in the "flickering xenon" phenomena, and related (I have not had any lighting issues like that).

You can have your brownie points, but this only reestablishes the weird/quirky claims. Every other vehicle I've ever dealt with, and I've dealt with MANY vehicles over the years, in many different capacities, and all of them have exhibited what a normal, non-possessed piece of machinery/hunk of metal, does: the battery dies, I replace it. Simple.

Don't get me wrong. I'm entertained, in a strangely masochistic sort of way. I have a great temperament for Jag ownership, eh?

 

I had general weirdness from the REM. It all started after programming a new key.
It was solved by reflash of the module.

I'd check the battery first, also the earth point near the battery. If thats all ok reflash the module in your case the drivers door module

Cheers
34by151

 

My Durango also exhibits strange behavior when the battery voltage is low. The first time it happened, I got very-very pissed!
The windows did not close, engine would not start, doors would not lock...I assumed my SUV was now junk. I had it towed to the dealer and it took them 30 minutes to diagnose the problem, Low Voltage. I was told that when the voltage drops below 12vdc, the ECM prevents certain operations. Would have been nice if that was in the Owner's Manual!

The Low Beams on my VDP has started to flicker occasionally, do I need new bulbs or a battery? I guess I should do a load test on the battery.

 

Not only Jags, although they are weird enough.

My Toyota is also possesed, to the point where I carry a starter booster pack in the boot, jump cables, and a spare charged battery.

I never know what to expect or when to expect it.

Wet, dry, sunny, or cold, makes no difference, if it wants to have fun it will.

PS, both Batt's are New.

 

They're called Gremlins. Jaguar Cars seem to have them on-call a lot !!

 

My windows and sunroof auto down fine, but ca't get them to auto up. Any ideas?

 

Any time the battery is disconnected or discharged you will lose the auto-up function. You can retrain them by running the window down, continuing to hold the down button for five seconds, then run them up and hold the up button for five seconds. This re-enables the auto-up. Same thing for the sunroof.

 

Heh - they certainly do go a bit "Borley Rectory" when the battery is on the way out. I've put a couple of batteries into the General over the last six years or so...

Occasionally the boot ("trunk" to our transatlantic cousins) release goes on strike. Both the interior release switch and the button on the boot itself - nothing. Until you re-insert the key and switch on-off-on. This is rare, but when it happens I'm reminded of the Monty Python sketch set in the department store, where if you said "mattress" to one particular staff member he put a bucket on his head, and wouldn't take it off until everyone got into the fish-tank and sang.

One time it developed a small air-leak around the throttle body somewhere. My mechanic (a Jag technician with about twelve years experience) spotted this pretty quickly and replaced a piece of hose. Then the car took to idling erratically and cutting out. So back I went, and we both scratched our heads for some time ("Hmm - there's actually nothing wrong with it, you know!!") and then he theorised that the ECU had "learned" to compensate for the slight over-abundance of air, and was still doing it although the problem was now gone. So he re-flashed the ECU (took about a half-hour) and... perfection. It's alive, I tell you!!

 

RTFM!
It's strange no one reads the owners manual! The fix you seek is written in that little book. Winds up in the trunk and forgotten or thrown out.
"I DON'T NEED TO READ THE STINKIN MANUAL"
If anyone is interested are the site to owners manual.

http://topix.jaguar.jlrext.com/topix...ndex?cat=OWNER

 

I've read it. But I've slept many moons since then, and my brain is a sieve.

 

There is a lot of stuff in them Jaguar. UPTEEN computers modules. Low battery voltage is like brownouts, Voltage spike when jump starting a weak battery>>
Computer module for mirror,seats, windows, radio lose their programs
due to voltage spikes.

 

This brought me great comfort, my friend. I've had the insert key, turn, NOTHING response 3 or 4 times too over 18 months of ownership. Thought it was just me. Like you I get full power, everything is A-OK, but turn the key and nothing. I count to three, try again, and car starts fine.

While we're on it, does your car need an extra millisecond of crank time compared to other cars you've owned/driven? At first I thought my car was stalling at startup but now I've learned to keep the starter engaged a fraction of a second longer. Not just me, my wife has commented on this too.