Hi to everyone. Please don't be cruel! I am a woman and not any mechanic, at that. I have searched the forum and can't find anything particularly helpful with my car's no start situation. If you're easily irritated, move on. Lol! I'm new here and not skilled. If you're still with me, let me explain. I appreciate all input. 😊
-99 XJ8, purchased a little over a year ago, battery less than one year old. Battery replaced less than a yr ago new.
- car will or start but did a week ago. Key turns in the ignition and all interior accessories work right away. The engine does not crank so does nothing.
- dash indicators: everything lights up like a Christmas tree. The msgs will scroll, more or less, as follows: system check, stability control failure, traction control failure, check engine, trunk open... Basically like that. (Trunk thing has happened forever, not worried about that)
- what have I tried? I tried to start with the spare key. (No valet key here), I attempted starting in neutral with the brake on (some advice I got), disconnected battery cables and left them off for 30 mins then reconnected them. No go with any of those.

Ive asked around a little.. I'm so minimally skilled! Any tips? Have you had this? I think I will have to tow at this point to a mechanic, ugh. nearest Jag dealership is an hour and a half away. I can get the tow and get it to the best nearby place but I. Just want to know wth?! 😊

 

Welcome ! These cars' are very sensitive to voltage issues so a healthy battery is a must, regardless of age have yours tested. Hard resets clear capacitors & remove many gremlins.

Hard Reset :

1. Turn Key OFF
2. Remove Negative Battery Terminal from the Negative Battery Post (10mm Wrench)
3. Turn Key ON
4. Touch Negative Terminal End to Positive Terminal End and hold there for 15 'ish seconds (Positive Terminal will still be connected to Positive Battery Post)
5. Turn Key OFF
6. Reconnect Negative Battery Terminal back to Negative Battery Post

NOTICE:
On First Start after the Hard Reset, let the car idle for a minute or two without touching throttle. This allows the computers to recalculate the throttle position, etc... Also, the car may drive differently for an hour or so while it's relearning your driving habits

 

It is possible that, after the car sat for a week, the battery went very low. The first thing to check is measure the voltage on the battery terminals (there is no need to disconnect the cables). If you don't have a multimeter, asked somebody to do the voltage check for you. Let us know what reading you get.

 

Thanks, guys. Although I still don't know anything for sure, asking here and with some advice from a local guy, only by messages, this very well could be a battery issue, even though the battery is far from old. The car doesn't get driven very often, well, it hasn't this 3 months of summer. It only goes on short trips once a week, twice at best. The electrical load on this car must be huge. Lol! Alright, I can try what King Charles suggested. I'll probably be well off just getting voltage tested. That's a little trickier since I don't have the stuff and I'm dead in the driveway. Lol! I do appreciate the advice! Anyone can keep it coming. I've got a good day or two before I resort to a dreaded tow to the shop. Much appreciated! I'll update later, for sure.

 

Put it on a charger if you have one, let it top back up & try it, if you get it cranked first stop is to an Auto Zone,Pep Boys etc. to test your cell.

 

This points very much to the possibility that the battery is currently rather low. Sitting for prolonged periods of time causes loss of battery charge (whether new or not so new) caused by continuous (small) current draw by the car's electronics. Small draw but it can empty the battery in 4-5 weeks if car not started. Also, the occasional short drives do not provide sufficient time for the battery to be charged back to a healthy level.

If the voltage check shows 12V or less, the battery badly needs to be charged. Before connecting a battery charger to it, disconnect the negative cable and re-connect it once the battery charging is completed and the charger disconnected.

 

Like everyone says, put it on a charger or trying a jump-start will rule the battery issue out and we can help you from there. Starting at the beginning and methodically working through will be the only way to sort this even if it is slow and frustrating.

 

On the X308 it has a history of the 2 nuts on the fuse link coming loose

This is just after the positive battery terminal post

Verify the starter solenoid relay clicks with your finger on it and if not it can be swapped

The relay is on the right side of the engine bay on a LWD American car

With the multiple messages could be one of the " king Relays " that close to bring power to the different points on the car at the fuse boxes is not getting its close command ground from the ignition switch

see page 31 and 36

http://www.jagrepair.com/images/Auto.../jagxj1999.pdf

The ignition switch that closes these relays is easy to get to and test , but the king relays circled in red can be pulled out a bit and be rocked in their sockets with the key on to feel them click closed by the ground command from the ignition switch

You can do this yourself with the key on , engine not running

 

For future reference I use the NOCO Genius G1100 1.1 Amp Battery Charger & Maintainer on my car as it's not driven daily. The tender is totally plug & play automatic. I keep mine attached to the battery & ready to go. Charges,maintains cell health w/ minimum effort.