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When I first took my Driving Test in Dad's Vauxhall Victor 101 Estate, I was feeling very nervous as I didn't know what to expect.
Where with the benefit of hindsight I could see I'd screwed it up big time, as with Dad as my Driving Instructor I'd picked up a load of bad habits
That if put into practice, would mean that I was guaranteed to fail, by doing things like crossing my hands on the Steering Wheel.
Which seems to be way that many people drive to day, because to them it seems to feel more natural and safer.
Though when you take your Driving Test, you're meant to do it by the book and then leave the Free styling until later.
So after my abysmal Fail, Dad got me Driving Lessons, not so much to learn to drive but so that I could master all the BS needed to go through.
But that also ended in failure, when we were rear ended by another Car, who was following much too close behind.
Though by the time I went along to take Test No 3.
All those first night nerves had disappeared, I'd had enough experience to know what I was doing and this time was convince that I would well and truly nail it.
Which only seems to show you just how wrong you can be!
So with the Champagne still on Ice, I'd even had my hair cut, in the hope that I could look a little bit more normal.
As I started walking towards the Testing Station, it was like a re-run of a Horror Film but as I'd seen it Twice before, it wasn't half so scary on this the Third occasion.
Where after I had first signed in, I then sat in the Waiting room that seemed to have a lot of cream paint peeling off the walls but sadly Zero 'Girlie Magazines.
But after 20 minutes that felt like 20 years, eventually the Driving Tester then came in to meet me.
Looking just as dapper as any one could be, in his shiny Oxford Shoes and Gabardine Grey Mac, together with his Clip Board and his Trilby Hat.
That seemed to be the Uniform that Driving Testers wore back in the day.
Then having looked me up and down in a Risk Assessment sort of way, uttered those words Guaranteed to Chill the Blood of any Learner Driver.
'Please Lead the way to your Vehicle'
So we walked out in The Sunshine and briefly separated, as he walked towards the Mini, that was parked next to mine.
Though as I dare not say a word, just in case he Failed me before we'd even started I froze like a Rabbit in the Headlights.
But then when his eyes met with mine, I pointed to the massive Vauxhall Victor, which in my eyes looked the Size of a great big double decker bus.
Did he just do a double take or what!
When he finally sat in the Passenger Seat, he started to look quite a lot more nervous than me but any attempt at Small Talk, was greeted by a Wall of Stony Silence.
Although my First job was to read a Number Plate from 25 yards away.
But having done this Gig before, I'd memorized the Numbers of all the Cars nearby.
And then proceeded to rattle them off, one after the other.
Suffice to say that he was not what you would call amused but after putting a Tick in the Box of his trusty Clip Board.
I then got instructions to proceed in my own time.
Which then led on to a Full Scale Production, of a Play I'd Written, Produced and Acted in, with the 'Working Title' of 'BS Baffles Brains'.
Where I had to Rattle the Gear Stick to show him it wasn't in gear and just to make sure depressed the Clutch before I Started the Engine.
Which was quickly followed by releasing the Hand Brake and making sure that he could see me do the Holy Trinity.
Of all that Mirror Signal and Maneuver sort of Stuff.
Then we were off!
Where after a Text Book take off, as smooth as double cream it felt like we were sailing in such a tranquil way that I could almost hear him sighing with relief
Turn here, turn there, turn everywhere, I followed his instructions to the letter and was a master of the Three Point Turn.
Things were going so well I could almost read his mind where I thought that he was thinking, that this Chap knows how to drive.
At which point he then visibly switched off and put his Plastic Clip Board on The Dashboard.
Although I didn't want to take my eyes off the road, I had a little sneaky peak when he turned away and saw that I was ticking every box.
At which point I was feeling my heart swell with pride and couldn't wait to tell my Mum and Dad.
Except that he had one more trick tucked up his little Sleeve, which was the Emergency Stop!
Ok said the Tester, when I Tap the Dashboard Stop the Car as quickly as you can.
Not a problem Sunshine I said to myself, this was my absolute favorite part of the Test!
So with one eye on the Dashboard and the other on the Road, I was wound up tighter than a Rat Trap Spring.
Then as he Suddenly Hit the Dash! I Hit the Brakes and His Head Hit the Windscreen!
And then the Car that was behind, came close to Rear ending us for a Second Time!
But as for me I was so shocked at what had just occurred, it took a little while for me to work out what had happened.
And as for the Tester, all he could say was take him straight back to the Testing Station.
Had I passed or had I failed? how was I to know, except his big bruise on his head was telling me the latter.
And FFS! OMG! I'd Failed the Test Again!
So what went wrong?
Apparently he saw his Clip Board falling off the Dash and when he went to catch it, was the moment that I thought that this was the Signal for me to hit the Brakes!
But on the Forth attempt I passed the Test with Flying Colors and I Celebrated with a 'Cup of Tea'!
Huh. The car in that BBC video is the one Great Escapes has for hire. At least they've fixed the ratty headliner it used to have. Renting out a car with that headliner would be shameful....
C'mon, OB--haven't we all obsessively watched pretty much every single video review of an XJS out there? I know I have.... (^_^)
I saw the pale blue colour and thought "hmmm, that looks familiar," and checked the plates. And bingo.
Cool car. Not entirely sold on the colour, mind. But, assuming this is a recent ad, it's nice to see the car getting some attention.
Those headrests are bog-standard for the final years of production. (And very different to the ones in the Fresh off the Boat XJS I posted as well.)
Oh, it's Natalie Portman. Thought she looked vaguely familiar. I was more interested in the car....
The translation is easy. The word at 0:56 is "LOVE". As is the word at 1:22.
Don't think anything else needs to be translated.... (^_^)
This Track Just Got One Million Hits While We Were Having Our Tea!
And if that wasn't Bad enough we're now in Total Darkness as it just Tripped All The Switches in the Fuse Box OMG!
This is what your 5 in 1 has been waiting for and has got a drumming Track to die for!
So now its time to turn the Volume up and hand out Ear Defenders to the Neighbors
If you liked Despacito (Slowly)
You are going to love this
That's You and the other 57 Million People who hit on this Track in 5 days!
'Echame La Culpa' (Put the blame on me)
Another Smash by Luis Fonsi but this time with Demi Lovato
Written by:
Luis Fonsi
Alejandro Rengifo
Maurice Rengifo
Andres Torres
Produced by:
Andres Torres
Maurice Rengifo
Released November 17th 2017
Republic Records
Island Records
Available on Amazon
Luis and Demi Smash this 'Bopper' into very tiny little pieces and as for That Drumming Track
That alone would be enough to get your Party Started!