Enjoy!!

 

I saw Jerry Seinfeld at the Fox theater a few years ago. At the end he took questions and was asked if it was true he had over 50 Porsches and bought a garage in Manhattan to keep them in. He said yes, seemed a little embarrassed but said it is his one passion and he isn't hurting anyone. I don't think anyone thought any less of him.

 

Who am I and what am I doing with my life?

 

While wealth and success are undeniably nice to have, one has to reflect on how it was achieved.

Everyone will say ability, talent and hard work.

But, did it and does it involve screwing people over?

Every time someone comes onto JF to scream bloody murder over their service
bill, I always wonder "and who is screaming that your services are overpriced
and practices predatory?"

 

Plums, I hope you're not referring to me screwing people over. I created my wealth through extremely hard work. First I educated myself against all odds in a very dysfunctional family. I worked during high school to save the money so I could go to university. While in my freshman year I was hooked on academics (computer science and accounting). In my sophomore year I started working on a contract bases for the university and professors. I graduated with both a Computer Science and Accounting degree. After graduation I worked very hard at tunnelling all of my money into real estate investments. No one helped me on the way. Even as a very young landlord I would get screwed over by my tenants not paying rent and trashing my property. It has not been an easy ride for me. I respect my achievements and do not waste my money.


I believe most self made people will always be more conservative with their money and how they spend it because it just doesn't grow on trees. I know what it's like to be poor and decided I wanted to do something about it very early in life. I also try to help my tenants as much as possible but lately I just get stabbed in the back by the same people I helped. I'm not a slum lord and treat my tenants with respect hoping to gain there business. I have some very long standing tenants living in my properties.

 

At the risk of belaboring the point, and without trying to disagree with anyone in particular, there is a lot of feel-good psychology going on throughout this thread. This is all great stuff. It's nice to reassure someone and reinforce your own positive self-image in the process. But it's really "surfacy" considering the underlying dilemma at hand.

Doug was right on when he mentioned that our values change as we get older. Psychologists refer to the transitions as Erikson Stages. As we move from our 30s to our 40s we struggle through the generativity vs. stagnation stage, reconciling our understanding of meaning with our previously avid pursuit of success. As we move from our 50s to our 60s we must start looking back and confirming a job well done. This is called integrity vs. despair.

The idea is not to run from our negative emotions during these transition stages (that causes us to do rash things that we regret and hurt others in the process, e.g. the 'mid-life crisis'), but to embrace the uncomfortable feelings and incorporate them into a new and greater understanding of self. When a 30 year-old looks at all the stuff he has he may explain it by saying, "I've worked hard. I deserve this." But if a 50 year-old is still saying the same thing then he hasn't successfully navigated the transition. The healthy answer for him is to say, "This is some mighty cool stuff I've acquired, through hard work and dedication. And what's even more amazing is that I don't deserve any of it."

Being able to look at yourself in the mirror and not be ashamed of the person you see doesn't say much about your character. Pol Pot could do that. Being able to look at yourself in the mirror and see value in the flawed reflection says a lot about your character. The final life stage forces us all to look in that mirror, so my advice is: don't deny the mistakes you've made, the people you've hurt, the vanity, the lonliness, the insecurity, the guilt. Accept them as a necessary part of a full-lived life. A yin to a yang. They don't make you bad, they make you human. Learn from them, and let their very presence be the reassurance you need that you're on the right course.

 

I remember the readings of Erik Erickson and Sigmond Freud well from my psy course over 35 years ago. Although the psy course was a necessary arts elective to satisfy course requirements and considerd a "bird course" I remember the readings well and from time to time have downloaded the readings from my personal brain cloud to RAM. As I recall Sigmond Freud advocated a very disturbing theory about human behavior while Erik Erikson's approach was more friendly.
I do believe I'm going through some sort of life reflection/evaluation process.

 

While planning the purchase of a XKR and presenting this to the wife as the best decision she ever let me make, I have been in the back ground watching this forum. As someone who is interested in personal development and success I have found this to be a most interesting discussion.

The common theme is: You have done the hard work, enjoy it, you can not change the thoughts of others.

I am an Average Joe. In the middle of pack when it comes to health, wealth and happiness. When I see someone in a nice car I would say ‘Great choice’, but I also think what can I learn from them. That would be the same for most of us Average Joe’s.

Us Average Joe’s would easily out number Successful Joe’s or the Give it to me for free because I can’t be bothered to get off my **** Joe’s. More people might appreciate your car and what you have done than you think.

Personally, I wouldn’t park a nice car like yours in a Mall car park. Unfortunately I have found that the Give it to me free Joe’s often gather there, and us Average Joe’s are busy following our wives around agreeing with their decisions unable to admire or protect your car.

Great that you have a stable of nice cars. If you look at them and feel shallow, pretentious and wasteful then I would challenge you to look at the way you think. These are not unnecessary trophies but works of art and engineering to be enjoyed. No different to a Picasso or a Da Vinci, just more comfortable to sit on.

Selling them may make you feel temporarily better, but in the end just creates space in your garage which, if you are not careful, will be quickly filled by the wife’s discarded and barely used exercise equipment. Space that will never be reclaimed.

I read the thread where someone took a boy for a ride in his car (with parents approval) and put a huge smile on both their faces. If you are still feeling wasteful I would challenge you to do that before you sell a car.

Still feeling pretentious. You are successful, help someone else become successful so that they can enjoy one of these cars.

Feeling shallow, negative thoughts are easier to create because they require less physical energy to generate that positive ones. You don’t seem like a lazy person to me, rather than step back, step up.

 

When you are bothered by what someone thinks about you you are owned by them. Others opinions do not define who you are.

 

Why is everyone extrapolating that because he feels some guilt about buying such extravagant things, he MUST be thinking that way because he's worried about what OTHERS think?

Maybe he just doesn't want to live that sort of lifestyle. There are PLENTY of wealthy people who don't live extravagantly and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with what other people think. It has to do with their personal philosophy.

DGL, you need to figure this out for yourself! All the people on this forum pat you on the back and telling you that having doubts is just you being silly because you earned it (and there is no doubt that you have earned it) should not affect what you do anymore than the people who are supposedly jealous of you and look down on you because of your fancy things. Just live your life the way you want to live it already!

 

amcdonal86,


You are exactly right. I do like cars and will always look at the XKR is the best GT built. I don't want to be dependent on my material things for my happiness. This is a moment of reflection for me to reorder my universe. I've been driven to be successful because of the many things that I've experienced during my life--poverty and family abuse sucks. My cars do wow me and I think I've given them a life of their own to over shadow me. I will stand up and put these fine machines in their place, hug my family and thank god for blessing me so.

 

Lots of good and very interesting thoughts and comments.

It's all very interesting to me because I myself have become very reflective in the last few years. I feel like I've been learning bits and pieces about life for decades but only relatively recently has it all started to gell. No single epiphany; perhaps more like gradually fitting together the last 90 pieces of a 1000 piece puzzle.

I know those 10 pieces will remain unplaced as there will always be a few things about life I can't make fit. But 990 pieces is enough to make out the picture.

Not sure I can respond any further at the moment. Have you ever had so much to say that you can't quite figure out where to begin?



Cheers
DD

 

I'm impressed with all the self-analysis and discussion of values. Pretty deep, serious stuff.

So why did I buy my XKR? Simple economics: to save money - it's cheaper than a psychiatrist!

Lighten up, everybody! A good laugh is therapeutic!

As is simply looking at my XKR in the garage. Driving it is even better therapy.

Just my

 

Definitely an interesting thought. When I was 26 and married with a starter house and a large mortgage we each had a daily driver, and I had three special interest cars. That felt out of whack at the time, but I bought them because I thought they were among the coolest cars ever. Each of the 3 sold for more than I paid when it was time to part with them so I wasn't criticized for my passion.

33 years later we each still have a daily drive, and I have three special interest cars. I bought them because I thought they were among the coolest cars ever...and having them feels right! I've had a life long love affair with cars, and I've bought them over a period of years because they impressed my wife and I. Some friends have similar collections and others just have basic transportation.

My passion for cars wouldn't define me to them or myself any more than other things that I'm passionate about, have been successful at, or care about deeply. If one's life was one dimensional and revolved around owning fancy cars to impress others then I think that would be a concern.

Bruce

 

I like your comment "So why did I buy my XKR? Simple economics: to save money - it's cheaper than a psychiatrist!". On the amusement side it is hilarious. On the serious side it would be a disaster to replace the psychiatrist with a make me feel good toy.


This is a rather serious thread and moments of amusement can be found within it. Both laughter and thoughtfulness are appropriate. If I could fit "it's cheaper than a psychiatrist!" on my license plate it would be hilarious. A bumper sticker would not work, never did like those "my child is an "A" student" etc. I did see a bumper sticker on a nice car along time ago which read, "I hate Poverty", which I thought was kind of cool and inspirational.


It's very easy in life to get out of balance. It's the people that do nothing about it that get themselves in trouble. Fittingly, owning a collection of nice cars is ok as long as I don't give them or the people who see me driving them the power to change me personally and everything is kept in balance (ego, finances, family, friends, etc). Discussions like this help us grow and enjoy the fruit of our labor. There is nothing wrong with owning or not owning nice cars...It's what you let them do to you that matters. Enough said, lets go out and enjoy our rides...

 

In the interest of rounding out some of our collective thoughts, as they relate to image, I'll offer the following. There was an interesting book, a best seller, several years back titled The Millionaire Next Door. This book took a very deep dive in profiling millionaires, as it relates to their habits.

One of their many summaries...

They live well below their means. In general, millionaires are frugal. Not only do they self-identify as frugal, they actually live the life. They take extraordinary steps to save money. They don’t live lavish lifestyles. They’re willing to pay for quality, but not for image.

That said, do our Jaguars fall into the quality or image category?

 

This is a fascinating thread, especially since it parallels my thinking. I am 46 and at the point where I can afford anything I want, the house is paid off, cars/motorcycle/jeep/jetskis all paid for, debt free, money in the bank, and probably enough that if I shut it down tomorrow I can retire. I can afford more in every facet of my life but hate the thought of being ostentatious, not because of others, because of my own opinion.

When I bought my house 15 years ago it was the nicer one in my group of friends. Now they all have upgraded to really nice digs, my Wife and I are happy here, but I can afford 7 times more expensive. So do I? Just because we go to their house and go, WOW, this is nice! Then we come home and are happy as can be here.

The one thing I did do was allow myself to buy a nice car, my BMW 650 convertible. Like your Jag it gets plenty of second looks and compliments. Luckily no one has been crappy about it or spit on my car! As I think about getting a Ferrari, or Aston Martin, or Maserati I pull back and think they are just too much, not money, but for me personally on a social level. Like you I worked my way up the wealth ladder, paid my own college, saved, invested, increased my income by working hard. So I internally fight to avoid the pretentious or ostentatious self-view.

I will say this, if I had $50 million dollars in the bank I wouldn't think this way. I would probably be in a mansion and driving down the road in a convertible Lambo with strippers hanging out of every available spot. I would have a 20 car garage and it would be full. So I know that this is a "new money" issue that I have, I suppose I have a case of "Afluenza". Luckily I don't care at all about Breitling watches, or $1000 belts, or $5000 suits or I would be really torn.

Great post, this sums it up so well and explains these feelings!

 

Very appropriate timing. This is so so so true. If you where to take all the money in the world away from the wealthy today and distribute it evenly amongst the masses in 15 years the distribution of wealth will be the same as when you took it away from the wealthy. Wealth is a life style of living well within your means. When I sold my GTR I banked $23 thousand. I always shop for the bargains and never buy on impulse or just because I can afford it. Every purchase is calculated.


To answer your question: "They don’t live lavish lifestyles. They’re willing to pay for quality, but not for image.
That said, do our Jaguars fall into the quality or image category?"


Self made wealthy people are mostly very frugal and purchase value. A more appropriate way of saying the same thing is most self made wealthy people are calculating when spending their money. They look at the complete cost and return ($s, fun, quality, pleasure, security, etc.) they get from every dollar of purchase. They don't lavishly and foolishly cover themselves with excesses beyond their means.


If I were to sell all of my cars I would have a positive balance and my ownership costs will be positive. This I will not elaborate on but just throw it out there is a fact. My Jaguar is the only car I purchased retail (it was great retail deal) and it was a sweet deal because I also banked over $15 thousand on my sold XKR 175 which was processed as a trade-in. Wealth is created and earned not spent. Money is spent to create and earn wealth (this is very deep and is a life style). Wealthy people always maintain and grow their wealth.


Your Jaguar falls under the category in which you purchased it. We all know Jaguar's are quality cars but was your purchase a quality purchase or an image purchase? What is your cost of ownership? Was it made within your means? What were the alternatives? This takes us back to the number 1 post on this thread.

 

And the answers to those questions may vary among us. I know mine, and I'm comfortable with them.

But I buy a decent car every 10 years, I have to save up for it, it's my regular drive and I don't expect it to be an investment. So I'm probably not typical.

 

Tom Stanley, the author of "The Millionaire Next Door", was a good friend and neighbor of mine when he was a marketing professor at Georgia State University specializing in marketing to the affluent. From humble beginnings, Tom became an overnight success after being on Oprah Winfrey's show; his books were long-time best sellers. But he and his wife Janet don't exactly practice what he preaches - inconspicuous consumption and living below your means - as they now live in a $1MM+ home and no longer drive old cars. Good for him - he earned it! Only in America!